The Ten(der) Commandments: “HONOR FOR OUR PARENTS”
Ex.20:12; Eph.6:1-4
As the Hebrew people began their 40-year journey in the Wilderness, all they knew was a lifetime of slavery in an Egyptian culture. To survive they would need to re-establish their own culture and a distinctive morality. The Ten Commandments were designed by God to do just that. They would be a people set apart first by their intense loyalty to the one true God. That is why the first four commandments deal with our relationship with God.
The Hebrews were also to be a people characterized by their loyalty to one another. The last six commandments would set the pattern for that, dealing with how they would relate to other people, beginning with the family.
“Honor your father and mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you” (Ex.20:12).
The Fifth Commandment elevates the importance of the family be acknowledging that it is the parents who should have the greatest social influence on the life of a child. Ideally it is in the home that a child first learns to respect others, to have regard for the rights of others, and to support one another. A child’s respect for authority usually begins, if it begins at all, in the home. So much of our socialization and upbringing depends on what and how well our parents teach us. That is why by virtue of their office alone parents deserve honor.
Of course, just as the child-parent relationship is ever changing, they way we honor our parents is ever-changing as well. One of my favorite writers is Robert Fulghum, a man gifted with the ability to make good stories out of ordinary events. One of my favorite stories, about parents and children and honor and respect, comes from his book entitled
It was on Fire When I Lay Down on It. I’d like to share an abbreviated version with you, along with some of my own comments.
The year is 1983. From deep in the canyon-like aisles of a supermarket comes what sounds like a small-scale bus wreck followed by an air raid. If you were to follow the running stock boy with the mop and broom, you would eventually come upon a young man, his three-year-old son, an overturned shopping cart, and the better part of the pickle shelf - all in a heap on the floor.
The child, sitting on a plastic bag of ripe tomatoes, is losing a lot of fluids: tears, mixed with a runny nose, mixed with saliva drooling from a mouth that is wide open and making a noise that would scare a dog away. The kid has wet his pants, and the small lake of pickle juice surrounding the child doesn’t make rescue any easier for the supermarket squad arriving on the scene.
The child isn’t hurt, and the father has had enough experience to know the uselessness of saying, “Stop crying or I’ll spank you,” and has remained remarkable quiet and still in the face of this catastrophe.
Truthfully, the father is calm only because he’s secretly thinking of running away from home. Now. Just walking away, getting into the car, driving somewhere South, changing his name, getting a job as a paperboy or cook in an all-night diner. Something - anything - that doesn’t involve contact with three-year-olds. Someday he may find this amusing, but right now he is just sorry that this particular son can’t be traded in for a model that works.
The stock boy and the manager and the accumulated crowd are all terribly sympathetic and consoling. Later, the father sits in his car in the parking lot holding the crying child in his arms until the child falls asleep. He drives home and carries the child up to his bed and tucks him in. The father looks at the sleeping son for a long time. The father does not run away from home.
At this stage, the story reminds me of an important truth: We can honor our parents by being grateful. Not only did our mothers and fathers give us life through birth, but also through their care and provision for us in all the days and years when we could not care or provide for ourselves. Just think of all the times your parents watched over you and all the things they went through for you, even if it was simply putting up with you when you made a spectacle of yourself in the supermarket.
Friends, parents are worthy of our honor. We know that even the best parents make mistakes and the worst can cause great harm, but they all gave us life, and in most cases they tried their best. We honor our parents by being grateful for all they have done.
Meanwhile, back to the story...
The year is now 1996. Same father pacing the living room, carelessly weeping and yelling at anyone who will hear. In his hand is what is left of a letter that has been crumpled and uncrumpled several times. The letter is from his now grown sixteen-year-old son. The pride of his father’s eyes - until today. The son says he hates his father and never wants to see him again. The son is going to run away from home, because he thinks his father is a failure as a parent. What the father thinks of the son right now isn’t very nice either. Someday he may laugh about this too, but for now there is only anguish.
He really is a good man and a fine father. The evidence is overwhelming. The son is good as well. “Just like his father,” they say. “Why did this happen to me?” the father shouts at the ceiling. Well, because he had a son. That’s all it takes, and sometimes you just have to live through it.
The reason disobedience hurts so is because deep down we know that is not how it should be. Parents should be honored not only with gratitude, but also with obedience.
“Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.” (Eph.6:1) Of course, obedience cannot be given blindly. Parents must be honorable if they would receive honor. That is why Paul goes on to say,
“Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”
(Eph.6:4) It’s sad to see children rebelling against parents. Clearly there are times when we must live our own lives and make our own choices, but a child’s obedience to parents is an important part of family life, as long as the parent stays in God’s will.
For children now grown into adults, support will also be an important part of honoring our parents. We have a duty to see that our parents in their old age or weakness don’t lack for the necessities of life and won’t be left in either need or loneliness. That, too, is what this commandment is about.
Our story finishes on this note:
Now it is 2008. Same man and same son. The son is twenty- eight now, married, with his own three-year-old son, a home, career, the works. The father is retired.
Three mornings a week they can be seen out jogging together around 6:30 a.m. As they cross a busy street, the son looks both ways, with a hand on his father’s elbow to hold him back from the danger of oncoming cars, protecting him from harm. You can hear them laughing as they run on up the hill into the morning. And when they sprint toward home, the son doesn’t race ahead but runs alongside his father at his pace.
They love each other a lot. You can see it. They are very caring toward each other - they have been through a lot together, good and bad, but it’s alright now. The honor and respect for the other is mutual. One of their favorite stories is about once upon a time in a supermarket...
It is a familiar story, lived out thousands of times before. Sometimes the children leave, never to return, but most often they come back in their own way and time to repay their debt by being there for support and help in the parent’s time of need. That is how it should be.
We can show our parents honor by showing gratitude for all they have done for us, by being obedient to them as far as possible, and by supporting them in their own times of need. Thus will it be well with us, for we will be fitting into God’s order.
